Well, I guess maybe it's been awhile since this blog has received any attention-- and that was certainly very intentional. I don't do this to make my life seem extraordinary, or to focus on the big moments. In fact, this isn't really about me at all. While being whisked into a new environment that most call college has given me many experiences that may be worthy of sharing with the world, this isn't really about that either. This blog is solely for the use of the Lord calling me to write, and to share the small, hidden moments where He challenges me, teaches me, leaves me wondering what His plan is, or reveals a new path. And now, while I'm on a short break from school, I feel as though God is giving me the words to share of what He has been teaching me in this new chapter of life.
Almost three and a half years ago, I had a heart transplant.
Okay, maybe my heart did not physically come out of my chest, but this transplant was certainly real. The surgeon (Jesus) took out my tattered heart that had been trampled on, trusted fully only to be let down, put all of its hope into a sinking foundation, and was almost altogether drained. And at that moment, He gave me His own heart; it was spotless and full of life. And on that same day that I got a new heart, I began the journey of learning to trust God fully. No, I haven't reached the destination of that journey, but the Lord continues to show me new mercies each morning, and He continues to teach me new lessons as I spend more time with Him. One day in particular, He put trusting Him into a perspective I'll never be able to forget.
It was a Tuesday, a day that was a little colder than I'd hoped and filled with exams. After taking my tests, I wasn't really into the mood to do anything, until a great friend of mine texted me and asked if I wanted to go to Potter's Place. (For those of you who don't go to Clemson, and aren't sure what this is, it is a piece of land in which a sweet couple lives on, and are answering their call from the Lord to create an environment where God is present and where those seeking solitude and time with Jesus may find it.) Not really wanting to go, I was pretty set on saying no, until I ended up typing out "Yes, I'd love to go! Let me know when!"
What had I gotten myself into? I do love Potter's Place, but I was avoiding spending time with the Lord after the awful day I'd had the day before, and Jesus knew this. But before I knew it, my friend had arrived to pick me up and we were on our way. We got to Potter's Place and stuck to the usual plan-- split up for quiet time with the Lord and the meet up afterwards to share what our quiet times looked like and what we learned. I entered a prayer cabin not expecting anything out of the ordinary, but as my time with my Father continued, I was blown away by what He taught me in such a short amount of time.
As usual, my quiet time consisted of journaling. For those of you who know me, you know I love anything that captures a memory, especially pictures. But what I love even more than pictures is journaling-- this captures the moments that not everyone sees, that maybe I don't fully understand, and as I write, the depths of my heart eventually end up spilled out on my paper. This day, I began writing about what was going on around me: leaves changing, the soft sounds of Blessed Assurance, and the subtle scent of a candle in the air. As I continued to write, I just wrote some of what was on my heart, and of who God is to me. After five or six lines, I concluded with: "You teach me to dance."
After that, I stopped for a second. Why did I write that? What does that even mean? God teaches me to dance? Well little by little, moment by moment, God made it clear to me.
Dancing to me, is a way to go through life-- exactly how I want to live. I don't want to merely walk through life, looking at each day as a chore. Nor do I want to run through life, rushing to the finish line, unaware of my surroundings. To me, dancing is getting the most out of life, paying careful attention, and being passionate about living, and genuinely joyful.
While that all sounds great, I even questioned myself as I wrote this: what about the obstacles that get thrown at us? I don't think I'll want to dance when those come along... But Jesus continued to open my heart in this moment.
Most importantly, dancing wasn't just meant for one person. And as a female, dancing especially requires listening. Just as if we were dancing with any male, we have to pay attention to which way to spin, and to know exactly when to dip. In this particular dance, the one leading me, is God, my Creator. I look to Him for which steps to take, and which moves to make. And each day, He is teaching me to lean further back when I dip, because He can support me-- He won't let me fall.
Learning this lesson now is part of God's will for me, and also illustrates His perfect timing. In this time of transition into college, I have to trust Him and closely listen to Him even more than before: with what I get involved in, which friends I want to surround myself with, who I'm supposed to pour into intentionally, where to live, and ultimately with what I want to do with the rest of my life.
A few weeks ago, when a group of friends and I were asked to describe college so far in one word, one of my friends answered: "abundant." And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she was absolutely right. In this season of our lives, all things are abundant: fun times, sweet memories, school work, friendships, busyness-- all the more reason to lean on Jesus, and even more challenging to do so. But when we take a break from the abundance that fills up our days, and intentionally seek out that time where we rest in the presence of our Creator, we find abundance that is even greater-- an abundance of love, of lessons, of grace, and of heart change.
So now, while I exist in the abundance, I want look to Jesus, as He leads me through the dance.
