So, I never know how to begin these posts, or what to say in a blog anyway. I created this blog over a year ago, and ended up deleting everything I had written, because I didn't feel adequate enough to actually create or share decent writing about my life. Needless to say, I thought I was done with this whole blogging thing-- until today.
On one of my countless drives from Sumter to Florence, I felt the Lord tugging at my heart when one of the newer songs on my iPod came on shuffle. Leave it to me to focus on a song lyric! Now I'd heard this song multiple times, but I had never really heard what it was saying. The song is called "Love Laid Down" by Green River Ordinance, one of my all time favorites. And if you've never heard it, you probably should. You can listen to it here. One line in particular really struck me:
"ill equipped to ever fix this sinking ship, so many hours I have spent, just trying to find my way back home."
And first, I wondered how many times I had let this line pass me by, having just listened to it, but never really hearing it. How true though? We are ill equipped to live this life, pointing to our need for a Savior. But even more than that, the last part of the line, about trying to find the way back home really resonated with me. I found myself wondering, "Where is home anyway?"
I used to think that this was home:
This was taken outside of the house I grew up in, where I learned how to tie my shoes (sort of) and ride a bike, where I learned what love looks like, and what it doesn't, where I've watched many sunsets like the one in this picture. Isn't that what home is? A house with four walls and a roof, inside of which your family lives? That's home... right? For over 16 years this place was all I'd ever known. This past year, all of that changed.
This was my next idea of home:
This one was taken the day my family moved into our "second home", bridging the gap between my 45 minute commute to school that I wasn't quite adjusted to yet. This made it so school was in my backyard. Literally! I was obviously excited to be there: it was a new town where my friends were, where I had discovered that Jesus-seeking community actually existed, where I started over for the first time. This is the place where I wrote my first song, where I decided on what college to go to, where the sun sets in my backyard daily. This is the place where I feel like I finally became more independent. So now I guess I was a little confused: I had two houses, so that meant two homes, right? Maybe not... I slowly started to realize that home didn't just mean a residence. Home is where you feel loved, I guess.
Most recently, this has been my definition of home:
Camp St. Christopher: where Jesus has revealed himself to me on multiple occasions, the place I've taken refuge in since I was nine years old, the place where I have formed friendships, including a few best friends, the place where I worked for half of my summer, the place I didn't want to leave. Spending time here is like heaven on earth to me. I get so filled up by those around me that pouring out to others is almost inevitable. Sometimes I even get butterflies when I know I get to go to camp-- yes, I love this place THAT much. So when I had to leave this summer, I didn't understand why. Couldn't I just stay "home"? That's what this place had become to me. I know Jesus had other plans for me, to go back to where I live and prepare for school and to see friends and do His work here. But also, I think He wanted to remind me that none of these places are in fact my home.
Now I'm sure you're wondering where that song, Love Laid Down, comes in. Hearing that today reminded me that we all are looking for our home. We aren't meant to live here on earth forever. But we are meant to spend eternity in heaven: that's our true destination! The bridge of this song begins like this: "love laid down, to raise your heart, long lost in dark. Love laid down, to bring to life, all that's lost inside." YES. That "love" laid down, is Jesus. God sent His only son, Jesus, to die on a cross. And why do you ask? So we could find our way back home! We are the ones "lost in the dark" without that love. God loved us so much, that He wanted us to live with Him forever one day, so heaven could be our home too. This song explains that without the "love laid down" we are "ill equipped" to find our home. We couldn't get there if it weren't for that ultimate sacrifice on the cross.
I'm thankful for little reminders like that; how cool is it that God can speak to us through something as simple as a line in a song? Even more, that song made me think of a piece I had written for an AP Language project earlier this year:
What Makes A Home
Home.
Not four walls
Not a dot on the map
Not the mail’s destination.
The soft strum of six strings on a lazy afternoon
The comforting chorus of dog barks before the alarm goes off
The exchange of stories that form the bond of friendship.
This is temporary, yet this is home.
The intimidation of starting over
The faded scars from an empty well full of hope
The unfulfilled dreams, the tears unseen.
This too is home.
The imprints left on a full heart
The years seen through speckled green eyes
The passion for life, the hard days done.
This builds a home.
The transfer of a soul
The absence of pain
The Maker’s eyes meeting mine;
Then I will have really found it.
The ultimate reunion.
Home.
It turns out that I had known where my home is all along. I just needed to be reminded!
