No GPS? No Problem

Proverbs 16:9 says: In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.

Yesterday, I planned out my course-- to go on an adventure with one of my greatest friends. What better way to celebrate finals being over, right? We weren't quite sure where we we were headed, and we didn't really have a concrete plan, but I think that was the best part. Being raised to plan out a schedule, and follow it, spontaneity doesn't exactly come naturally to me; my flesh chooses to fight against it. But the beautiful part of not planning, is that from the absence of our merely human plans, we leave room for God to lead us, and to take us on a journey much greater than we could have ever thought up-- and I learned that solely from Him. Yesterday's adventure was the most perfect depiction of letting God take over, and allowing Him to show me places I could never find without Him.

This grand adventure began today around 12:30; I'd completed the short 30 minute drive from Clemson to Easley to meet my friend, so we could set off for a day of whimsy. Now, this friend, Brianna, is a special one. She's the kind that takes you on a cheese dip date just because you really feel like eating queso instead of studying, and the kind that so thoughtfully burns CDs that she knows I'll love (obviously she gets my love language), the kind that teaches me to not limit what the Lord can do in and through me, and the perfect road trip companion.

My favorite quote ever, from Love Does, is, "You know what it is about someone that makes them a friend? A friend doesn't just say things. A friend does." And she surely embodies that.

We started off our day with coffee: first thing's first. She took me to the cutest coffee shop in Easley, called Coyote Coffee. As soon as I caught a glimpse of the inside, I knew it had to be a special place, where many Jesus dates have been had, sweet moments shared, and friendships begun.

Soon after coffee, we set off for a destination I was most excited about: Pretty Place! This is a chapel in mountains, right outside of Greenville, where many go to spend time with the Lord. Needless to say, I was so ready to get there. But the car ride there was just as wonderful-- filled with Rend Collective Experiment's Campfire album, and intentional, life-giving conversation, two of my favorite things.

After the hour long trek to Pretty Place, we pulled in to find that we had the chapel all to ourselves! I loved that time we got to just take in our surroundings, and take comfort in the fact that, just as we were enthralled by the beauty of the mountains, the Lord is even more enthralled with our beauty. We sat at the cross, humbled by what it means. We talked about how in awe we are over the fact that we are the Lord's bride. We took pictures, just merely attempting to capture the view, so that others may see it too. And the best part: I brought my guitar and we got to worship the Lord so freely, on the top of a mountain. I thought it couldn't get any greater, but God had different plans in mind.

  

Around the time we were about to leave, two girls showed up to Pretty Place. We said hello and introduced ourselves, and then agreed to take pictures for each other. All the while, the four of us got to know each other a little better. Before Brianna and I departed, she asked them if there was anything we could pray for them about-- the Lord sure had a plan in this. Both of the girls were carrying some pretty big burdens; it was our joy to get to lift those up to God, who holds us in His hands. 

The next stop on our adventure was this adorable place called Pumpkintown Opry-- a little antique shop (which was unfortunately closed), and a quaint little restaurant too. It was just a short visit, and another excuse to get some coffee, but so cool nonetheless, and Brianna got to show off her photography skills too!

Now, as we sat in the car contemplating on what to do next, Brianna's eyes lit up. Obviously our journey had another part to it, and I was up for going to wherever she had in mind. Once she told me, I immediately put the car in drive and we were on our way again-- this time to Brevard, NC to Carolina Point, the newest YoungLife camp! As we drove through the winding, mountainous roads, Movements by Rend Collective Experiment was belted out at the top of our lungs. Our drive was timed just perfectly to make it a little before sunset, and I could hardly contain my excitement. 

What I haven't told you about this trip yet, is just the best part: we didn't use a GPS, or a map, or anything. That, for me, is a big deal. I get lost even with a GPS on just about every long car ride I go on. It takes a whole lot of trust for me to not type in an address and be led there by some electronic device. But Brianna is luckily very good with directions, and assured me that a GPS would make our adventure a whole lot less cool. And you know what? She was right.

When we were almost to Carolina Point, we reached a fork in the road. Do we go right? Or left? I looked at Brianna for guidance, and she also was unsure of which way to go. We chose to go right, that led farther up the mountain. Sounds logical, right? So we drove on for probably five more minutes when we reached a dead end and a parking lot. The most special part about this though: there was an overlook, just newly built, with a view of the entire mountain range! We jumped out of the car to take in this view, and later found out that we ended up near the top of Mt. Sassafras-- the tallest point in SC! If we would've used a GPS, we never would have experienced the beautiful view God created for us to see. Sometimes we can't find these places on our own. We need guidance, and that's where the Lord comes in.

Now, we did finally make it to Carolina Point, which was just as sweet as expected. The camp was so quiet and peaceful; campers were coming in later, but no one was to be found when we got there. Brianna and I just sat in the stillness, next to the waterfall, picking rocks and watching the sun go down, reflecting on the unforgettable, "Love Does", day we'd just had. 

I didn't just get some cool pictures and sweet memories out of yesterday's adventure. Nor did I just merely have some ordinary fun with a friend. I let the Lord open up my heart, and I opened up my hands, palms facing up, giving my desire to plan to God. Only through Him was I able to just go along for the ride. What we plan out usually doesn't measure up to our Father's plans for us. He wants to show us the hidden overlooks. He wants us to encounter new friends and jump at the opportunity to show Jesus' love to others. He wants us to be "whimsical" and live in fellowship with each other. He also wants us to forget about the stresses of our daily lives sometimes, and just get up and go, because adventure is out there, just waiting for us to chase after it.

Following the Leader

Well, I guess maybe it's been awhile since this blog has received any attention-- and that was certainly very intentional. I don't do this to make my life seem extraordinary, or to focus on the big moments. In fact, this isn't really about me at all. While being whisked into a new environment that most call college has given me many experiences that may be worthy of sharing with the world, this isn't really about that either. This blog is solely for the use of the Lord calling me to write, and to share the small, hidden moments where He challenges me, teaches me, leaves me wondering what His plan is, or reveals a new path. And now, while I'm on a short break from school, I feel as though God is giving me the words to share of what He has been teaching me in this new chapter of life. 

Almost three and a half years ago, I had a heart transplant. 

Okay, maybe my heart did not physically come out of my chest, but this transplant was certainly real. The surgeon (Jesus) took out my tattered heart that had been trampled on, trusted fully only to be let down, put all of its hope into a sinking foundation, and was almost altogether drained. And at that moment, He gave me His own heart; it was spotless and full of life. And on that same day that I got a new heart, I began the journey of learning to trust God fully. No, I haven't reached the destination of that journey, but the Lord continues to show me new mercies each morning, and He continues to teach me new lessons as I spend more time with Him. One day in particular, He put trusting Him into a perspective I'll never be able to forget.

It was a Tuesday, a day that was a little colder than I'd hoped and filled with exams. After taking my tests, I wasn't really into the mood to do anything, until a great friend of mine texted me and asked if I wanted to go to Potter's Place. (For those of you who don't go to Clemson, and aren't sure what this is, it is a piece of land in which a sweet couple lives on, and are answering their call from the Lord to create an environment where God is present and where those seeking solitude and time with Jesus may find it.) Not really wanting to go, I was pretty set on saying no, until I ended up typing out "Yes, I'd love to go! Let me know when!" 

What had I gotten myself into? I do love Potter's Place, but I was avoiding spending time with the Lord after the awful day I'd had the day before, and Jesus knew this. But before I knew it, my friend had arrived to pick me up and we were on our way. We got to Potter's Place and stuck to the usual plan-- split up for quiet time with the Lord and the meet up afterwards to share what our quiet times looked like and what we learned. I entered a prayer cabin not expecting anything out of the ordinary, but as my time with my Father continued, I was blown away by what He taught me in such a short amount of time.

As usual, my quiet time consisted of journaling. For those of you who know me, you know I love anything that captures a memory, especially pictures. But what I love even more than pictures is journaling-- this captures the moments that not everyone sees, that maybe I don't fully understand, and as I write, the depths of my heart eventually end up spilled out on my paper. This day, I began writing about what was going on around me: leaves changing, the soft sounds of Blessed Assurance, and the subtle scent of a candle in the air. As I continued to write, I just wrote some of what was on my heart, and of who God is to me. After five or six lines, I concluded with: "You teach me to dance."

After that, I stopped for a second. Why did I write that? What does that even mean? God teaches me to dance? Well little by little, moment by moment, God made it clear to me.

Dancing to me, is a way to go through life-- exactly how I want to live. I don't want to merely walk through life, looking at each day as a chore. Nor do I want to run through life, rushing to the finish line, unaware of my surroundings. To me, dancing is getting the most out of life, paying careful attention, and being passionate about living, and genuinely joyful. 

While that all sounds great, I even questioned myself as I wrote this: what about the obstacles that get thrown at us? I don't think I'll want to dance when those come along... But Jesus continued to open my heart in this moment.

Most importantly, dancing wasn't just meant for one person. And as a female, dancing especially requires listening. Just as if we were dancing with any male, we have to pay attention to which way to spin, and to know exactly when to dip. In this particular dance, the one leading me, is God, my Creator. I look to Him for which steps to take, and which moves to make. And each day, He is teaching me to lean further back when I dip, because He can support me-- He won't let me fall.

Learning this lesson now is part of God's will for me, and also illustrates His perfect timing. In this time of transition into college, I have to trust Him and closely listen to Him even more than before: with what I get involved in, which friends I want to surround myself with, who I'm supposed to pour into intentionally, where to live, and ultimately with what I want to do with the rest of my life. 

A few weeks ago, when a group of friends and I were asked to describe college so far in one word, one of my friends answered: "abundant." And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she was  absolutely right. In this season of our lives, all things are abundant: fun times, sweet memories, school work, friendships, busyness-- all the more reason to lean on Jesus, and even more challenging to do so. But when we take a break from the abundance that fills up our days, and intentionally seek out that time where we rest in the presence of our Creator, we find abundance that is even greater-- an abundance of love, of lessons, of grace, and of heart change.

So now, while I exist in the abundance,  I want look to Jesus, as He leads me through the dance.

Where is Home Anyway?

So, I never know how to begin these posts, or what to say in a blog anyway. I created this blog over a year ago, and ended up deleting everything I had written, because I didn't feel adequate enough to actually create or share decent writing about my life. Needless to say, I thought I was done with this whole blogging thing-- until today.

 

On one of my countless drives from Sumter to Florence, I felt the Lord tugging at my heart when one of the newer songs on my iPod came on shuffle. Leave it to me to focus on a song lyric! Now I'd heard this song multiple times, but I had never really heard what it was saying. The song is called "Love Laid Down" by Green River Ordinance, one of my all time favorites. And if you've never heard it, you probably should. You can listen to it here. One line in particular really struck me:

 

"ill equipped to ever fix this sinking ship, so many hours I have spent, just trying to find my way back home."

 

And first, I wondered how many times I had let this line pass me by, having just listened to it, but never really hearing it. How true though? We are ill equipped to live this life, pointing to our need for a Savior. But even more than that, the last part of the line, about trying to find the way back home really resonated with me. I found myself wondering, "Where is home anyway?"

 

I used to think that this was home:

 

This was taken outside of the house I grew up in, where I learned how to tie my shoes (sort of) and ride a bike, where I learned what love looks like, and what it doesn't, where I've watched many sunsets like the one in this picture. Isn't that what home is? A house with four walls and a roof, inside of which your family lives? That's home... right? For over 16 years this place was all I'd ever known. This past year, all of that changed.

 

This was my next idea of home:

 

This one was taken the day my family moved into our "second home", bridging the gap between my 45 minute commute to school that I wasn't quite adjusted to yet. This made it so school was in my backyard. Literally! I was obviously excited to be there: it was a new town where my friends were, where I had discovered that Jesus-seeking community actually existed, where I started over for the first time. This is the place where I wrote my first song, where I decided on what college to go to, where the sun sets in my backyard daily. This is the place where I feel like I finally became more independent. So now I guess I was a little confused: I had two houses, so that meant two homes, right? Maybe not... I slowly started to realize that home didn't just mean a residence. Home is where you feel loved, I guess.

 

Most recently, this has been my definition of home:

 

Camp St. Christopher: where Jesus has revealed himself to me on multiple occasions, the place I've taken refuge in since I was nine years old, the place where I have formed friendships, including a few best friends, the place where I worked for half of my summer, the place I didn't want to leave. Spending time here is like heaven on earth to me. I get so filled up by those around me that pouring out to others is almost inevitable. Sometimes I even get butterflies when I know I get to go to camp-- yes, I love this place THAT much. So when I had to leave this summer, I didn't understand why. Couldn't I just stay "home"? That's what this place had become to me. I know Jesus had other plans for me, to go back to where I live and prepare for school and to see friends and do His work here. But also, I think He wanted to remind me that none of these places are in fact my home.

 

Now I'm sure you're wondering where that song, Love Laid Down, comes in. Hearing that today reminded me that we all are looking for our home. We aren't meant to live here on earth forever. But we are meant to spend eternity in heaven: that's our true destination! The bridge of this song begins like this: "love laid down, to raise your heart, long lost in dark. Love laid down, to bring to life, all that's lost inside." YES. That "love" laid down, is Jesus. God sent His only son, Jesus, to die on a cross. And why do you ask? So we could find our way back home! We are the ones "lost in the dark" without that love. God loved us so much, that He wanted us to live with Him forever one day, so heaven could be our home too. This song explains that without the "love laid down" we are "ill equipped" to find our home. We couldn't get there if it weren't for that ultimate sacrifice on the cross.

 

I'm thankful for little reminders like that; how cool is it that God can speak to us through something as simple as a line in a song? Even more, that song made me think of a piece I had written for an AP Language project earlier this year:

What Makes A Home

Home.
Not four walls
Not a dot on the map
Not the mail’s destination.

The soft strum of six strings on a lazy afternoon
The comforting chorus of dog barks before the alarm goes off
The exchange of stories that form the bond of friendship.
This is temporary, yet this is home.

The intimidation of starting over
The faded scars from an empty well full of hope
The unfulfilled dreams, the tears unseen.
This too is home.

The imprints left on a full heart
The years seen through speckled green eyes
The passion for life, the hard days done.
This builds a home.

The transfer of a soul
The absence of pain
The Maker’s eyes meeting mine;
Then I will have really found it.
The ultimate reunion.
Home.

 

It turns out that I had known where my home is all along. I just needed to be reminded!